I had something in mind to write tonight, but then I got distracted by the Grammys and a video that someone brought to my attention on YouTube.
It was a scary video, the kind of thing that most sane people hope they never have to see: A group of adults old enough to be one’s grandparents caught on tape making asses of themselves, molesting perfect strangers, stripping down and replacing shirts with chair sashes, and otherwise being needlessly stupid.
Where, you might ask, would such individuals feel comfortable cutting up in such a manner?
Why, at the wedding of their friend’s son to his new wife, of course!
Yes, the mother of the groom pratted on and on about how classy the event had to be (and the venue looked quite lovely, as did the table decorations, as long as they weren’t being inappropriately used for articles of clothing) before coercing her son and future daughter-in-laaw to invite a group of her friends, who the bride and groom did not know and did not want to include. And these friends proceeded to drive off the rest of the guests and take naked pictures of themselves in the bathroom with cameras that the happy couple had provided for each table and then paid to have developed.
Methinks that someone needs a solid thwak upside the head with a dictionary until the definition of “classy” sinks in. And then a few more times for good measure.
This fiasco came to my attention through a site that discusses etiquette issues — the ultimate question being, “Is it rude to post videos like this to sites such as YouTube?”
I don’t really want to get into that too much because I’m not sure how I feel about it. The bride ended up with a wedding/reception video completely free of the obscene actions; the one that was posted was an additional video that she specifically requested the videographer make for her.
I can absolutely understand the urge to post it — I would have been livid had I found out that guests at our wedding had behaved so poorly (it was awkward enough when my mother-in-law mistook my friend’s hookah for a bong and tried to kick him and several others out). The bride is getting a lot of validation for her anger, and rightfully so. But I worry that putting it out there for the world to see might have some adverse effects that she might not have expected.
1 – It’s out there more or less permanently at this point. Once you let something as insane as that video out there, it takes on a life of its own. So while now it might be giving her validation, there might come a time when its existence stops being cathartic and starts getting in the way of dealing with the emotions brought up by it. And at that point, she might want to recall it, cause it to cease to exist, only to find that it’s not possible.
2 – If … okay, when … her mother-in-law finds out, I suspect that the proverbial shit will hit the fan. The mother-in-law’s reaction — which I can’t in any way imagine being good, given that the woman laughed at her friends’ antics during the reception — could have some extremely negative effects among the extended family dynamics. And the bride will at that point have gone from having righteous indignation and anger on her side to appearing as petty and classless as the offending parties at the reception. Note that I’m not saying that she is petty or classless, just that her actions could be interpreted to give that impression.
3 – She’s wasting a powerful piece of blackmail potential and leverage with her mother-in-law. That video could have been her go-to piece of persuasion for every half-assed suggestion or demand of her mother-in-law’s for pretty much the rest of her marriage. But now it’s out in the public domain, which I think detracts from its usefulness here. Not that I would have been hoarding it so that the next time someone said, “Why don’t you do X?” I could trot it out and say, “I won’t be doing X unless you want another round of this or want it to become public.” I would never do such a thing. Honest!
All that said, I now need brain bleach after watching it and would like those seven minutes of my life back. If only it worked that way…