A while ago I posted about lots of stupid things I’ve done in the kitchen that other people really, really shouldn’t do for their own sanity and safety. Fortunately for your reading pleasure, while I learned from those mistakes, I continue to make new ones all the time. Let’s just call this our holiday edition, shall we?
5. Don’t leave the styrofoam cooler of melted ice water where the cats can get at it. They’ll turn it over and flood your kitchen, because cats are assholes.
4. Don’t make the holiday table the first time you try your baby on jarred baby meats. The look of mixed betrayal/horror/abhorrence on his face will be priceless, but everyone’s internal reactions to those “hurk” noises he’s making? Not conducive to enjoying the giant feast. (Also, the stuff smells and looks only slightly less disgusting than dog food. *shudders*)
3. Cook your turkey the day before Thanksgiving. That way you’re not waiting and waiting and waiting for it to cook all the way through, and the natives don’t start getting restless and try to eat your baby. (Although it might help to remind them that he weighs more than the turkey and would therefore take longer to cook.)
2. Have enough counter space to carve the turkey. Although it is hilarious to watch someone try to carve the darned thing in the roasting pan, it will take forever, and see above about restless natives and vulnerable babies.
1. Finally, pay attention to which burner you turn on, especially if you have glass dishes in the vicinity of your stove top. It’s all well and good to make the gravy on one burner and cool the stuffing on another, but if you mix that up… Let’s just say we were picking Pyrex out of the stuffing for entirely too long before realizing it was not salvageable. Bright side? I have a new item on my Christmas list. *facepalm*